Around a child
Topic: Yesterday's Joke
“Papa, you are stout!” Ten year old exclaimed.
“Hmm!”
“Papa, you have a flat tummy!” Five year old added.
“Oh, I see!”  I felt much better after a long day’s work.
“Papa, you know what? Your new set of clothes looks just fabulous!” Ten year old added.
“Just tell this to your mom!” I really felt good.
“Your skin is so tight and smooth and shining!” The younger one added.
Now I started feeling a bit uncomfortable with all the uninvited praise.
“Just like your head!” Said the elder one  and without a second’s delay added:
“With all these, you just look like a mannequin!”

A joke in Gujarati
Topic: Yesterday's Joke

Q: sauraaShTramaaM chhokareeonaaM naama kevaaM raakhe?

A: ranna-de, roopaM-de, goraaM-de, aaNal-de, ...

Q: amadaavaadamaaM chhokareeonaaM naama kevaaM raakhe?

A: koki-laa, rasee-laa, sharmi-laa, devi-laa, ...

Raner Pillai, water on Moon and Chandrayaan-2
Topic: Yesterday's Joke

Chandrayaan-1 and NASA probe together detected water on Moon's soil.

Raner Pillai has a multiple choice question in his mind:

Q: What will Chandrayaan-2 find?

A. Water on Moon

B. Water on Mars

C. Chandrayaan-1 on Moon

D. Chandrayaan-1 in water

Terroristan Joke
Topic: Yesterday's Joke

Again there was a suicide bombing in Terroristan.

The general-cum-president had already condemned the attack!

Around a Child
Topic: Yesterday's Joke
Younger one is five year old, elder one is ten.

Younger: "You NEVER take me for a ride on your bicycle!"
Elder: "It is not safe! My feet don't touch the ground!"
Younger: "I will not give you a ride when I grow up and have a bigger bicycle like yours!"
Elder: "Wait for a few months, dear! Let my feet touch the ground. I will give two rides a day to my little brother!"
Younger: "Lies! Lies! You give ride to Kavya and Eeshaan and six other kids. Just not me!"
Elder one came near, looked eye in eye and spoke in the lowest possible tone whispering: "Silly boy! Just have patience,OK? You don't EXPERIMENT with your own brother! "

Terroristan Joke
Topic: Yesterday's Joke

Terroristan's general-cum-president was traveling and his helicopter crashed in a forest.

Bad weather (no, seriously, only the bad weather!) stalled rescue efforts for 36 hours.

In order to speed up the matter, they announced that there is a chance of a coup in the power vaccum.

Within 3 hours, the president himself returned in the capital by hitch-hiking a truck passing through the highway!

Terroristan Joke
Topic: Yesterday's Joke

Terroristan's general-cum-president was traveling and his helicopter crashed in a forest.

It was later declared that the president was safe.

Now the president will go to the most popular place of worship for thanksgiving.

If he was not safe, his rivals would have gone.

Terroristan Joke
Topic: Yesterday's Joke

Terroristan's general-cum-president was traveling and his helicopter crashed in forest.

The whole country was ready for national mourning.

It was later declared that the president was safe.

Some government officials were heard suggesting they should continue with the plans anyway.

Thirty years and no change
Topic: Yesterday's Joke

One of my neighbors invited us on dinner.

The host, in his 50's, was talking about a TV anchor he ran into in one of the marriages he attended.

"You know what! After all these thirty years, she looks the same!"

And my hostess was visibly disturbed. I could sense the clouds gathering beyond the horizon.

So I proceeded to correct my host:

"Perhaps you mean that since thirty years she wears the same look - no change has taken place!"

My host also had noticed the same so he replied: "Oh yes, the same stale look of her twenties!"

The sun was shining again!

Fracture at a wrong place!
Topic: Yesterday's Joke

My friend got an ankle fracture - and was in pain.

I asked him how he was doing. He said:

"The fracture is minor. Just the place is wrong!"

"I did not understand!" I replied.

"Having it on myself is wrong!"

Helicopter crash of a chief minister
Topic: Yesterday's Joke

Alas, we have lost a very popular CM! He could defeat the legendary Chandrababu - and again became a CM as an incubent.

My previous jokes were misguided - blame it on Sakshi TV. They kept repeating that the chief minister was safe!

Still, being a joke-blogger, I must continue.

I suspect Naxalite attack in the death.

We must check who planted the tree that the helicopter hit!

On Yama-Savitri Dialogue
Topic: Yesterday's Joke

While most married women fall in the definition of satee [the respected one], some characters are titled mahaasatee [the venerable].

One such character is Savitri, who debates with Yama, the god of death and wins back life of her husband, Satyavan.

Now, I get various versions of the debates in movies but none of them is so convincing.

Last week I came across one possible, confessing line from Savitri that might have won her the life of her husband as well as catapulted her in the rank of mahaasatee [extremely truthful]. The argument is the only fact most wives don't admit but Savitri could've and won over even Yama!

Yama: "Dear, your husband's life is taken. It is over!"
Savitri: "Sir, what is your goal?"
Yama: "Taking life of your husband!"
Savitri: "Sir, but not mine!"
Yama: "Well, you are alive!"
Savitri: "Oh omniscient Yama, please don't play ignorant! You know that a wife can truly live only by sucking the life out of her husband!"

Around a Child
Topic: Yesterday's Joke
The young one is five year old and is made of a different material.

It is swine flu scare and schools were closed for a week. School restared on Monday - but parents are too scared to send their children.

The young one was talking about the school:
"Mom, a lot of people are scared of the flu. Very less people came to the school today."

"Who all were absent in your class?"

"Let us start counting with the teacher!"

Around a Child
Topic: Yesterday's Joke

After all these years, the five year old wondered:

"How can such a small tap (faucet) store bathtubful of water?"

Earning some more XO's
Topic: Yesterday's Joke

I was rushing to work and read in the newspaper that today Gayatri Devi, the Maharani of Jaipur and the most beautiful woman on the earth, died.

I told to my wife: "Honey, now you have got a promotion!"

Man! I never received so many XO's before leaving for work!

 

Light reading
Topic: Yesterday's Joke

My friend was puzzled why her luggage for an international travel was so heavy.

I asked: "What are you carrying?"

She said: "Just some clothes and a dozen of books!"

I said: "Ah, it is books!"

She said: "But it is all light reading - blonde jokes!"

Water on Moon and Harder Challenges
Topic: Yesterday's Joke

Q: What do NASA scientists find harder than to find water underneath the polar regions of in the Moon?

A: Finding budget to go there!

Around a child
Topic: Yesterday's Joke

The younger one was fussy about finishing his dinner.

Mom played a trick: "How many spoonfuls is left in the bowl? I guess five." [Actually there was hardly two spoonfuls left.]

The younger one told: "Ten! Let us count!"

Mom was in a fix. If she is nearer to the reality, she would win and the younger would break into tantrum!

"Does it not look more like three, dear?" Replied the mother.

"It does - but I always score higher numbers than you!"

Superman and his girlfriend - Bollywood style
Topic: Yesterday's Joke

Superman to his girlfriend (Lois Lane):

ek ghar banaaoongaa, tere ghar ke saamane

duniyaa bachaaoongaa, tere ghar ke saamane!

Power flows through
Topic: Yesterday's Joke

The Communist Party of India (Maoist) is banned as a terroist organization and the left front has defenders for the step!

Q: Why the ban?

A: According to one of the prophets of communism, Every Communist must grasp the truth, "Political power grows out of the barrel of a gun." - Here they tried landmines!

[Mao Tse Tung, "Problems of War and Strategy" (November 6, 1938), Selected Works,  Vol. II, p. 224.]